final farewell

hello people(lack thereof)

i know this blog is dead

but its time for a change

so i created a new blog

i've been yearning to for a while now

so well

yeah

this blog shall be kept here

to collect dust

but also to keep the memories i had

of 2008,half of 09 and well my first ever published work if i may so so :)
after 217 posts, this one being the 218th.



salutations,

adieu,

farewell

signing off here for the last time,
Piramol K.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Save the earth.

And here is my new sanctuary,

www.i-am-right-beside-you.blogspot.com

Chasing cars

For the past few days, I have been suddenly stricken with Idol fever. More specifically,

KRIS ALLEN FEVER.

Oh my God, he is so terrific! He just melts my heart and he brings justice to all the songs he performs, I am currently addicted to his rendition of 'Man in the Mirror' originally sung by Michael Jackson. And I can honestly say that he did Jackson justice to the highest esteem. I listened to Michael's version but I preferred Kris's. I find it so ironic, that my new obssession's name is the same as my brother's.

Someone I love but do not know vs someone i think I love but he does not know.

Ironic? I think so.

When I listen to Walking in Memphis, the Mark Cohn version, I just feel so...nostalgic inside.

Oh bumfluff it, forget the capitals!

my dreams lately, as in during REM sleep, have been about my future. Like, i dreamt of my husband. i dreamt of waking up next to me, i could see his face yet could not see his face at the same time. i could recognize him but found him a stranger too.

i have much sadness in my life now,

my father is no longer my father; i am fatherless and he daughterless.

my family is no longer existent, torn between the cruels of society, the evils of man and the law, of which most is voluntary.

my grades just took a nosedive.

the yearning to escape is at its prime.

the feelings of worry, fear, anxiety and tears are at an all time high.

addressing:

point one,

a fight occurred and it overshadows all the fights that i have ever been in.

hurtful words were exchanged, of which i am not sure how many were meant.

it ended with a "i guess you're not much of a father then" and "you're not much of a daughter anyway" . and then a waterfall worth of tears, put the test by having me coerced to leave the house to get new specs. Ironic, going out to get my vision checked when it was already blurred by tears.

and then i cried myself to sleep.

point 2,

the word starts with a d and always ends in pain. regardless of how necessary it is.

point 3,

for the first time i got a c6 for something and for the very first time, i didnt finish a paper.

i felt like crying so badly but i didnt. i never do.

point 4,

family always comes first. then if my family is falling apart, what do i have left?

in a country where im trapped in a box, i must and will find a way out, i dont like the box, i never have and no amount of bribery or indoctrination will change that.

point 5,

during that bitter fight, he pointed out that he cant pay for my uni.

where am i gonna get money from then?

i am an overachiever, i aim high, im very ambitious. with no money, the most i can go is NUS, which is all i can hope for with that prospect. and i think at some point i may just kill myself if i stay here.

lizzie pointed out that she always imagined me going to like...yale or ivy league.

and then i realised that too. and i realised that i have an ego. i have expectations for myself which are slipping away now.

i am a pessimist.

i am trying to look on the bright side,

that i am loved by some people.

i appreciate and treasure that.

but i know that with just that im still nothing

nothing in my own head anyway.

i hope and dream and aspire,

and now i see them crashing down because of the weight of reality.

listening to I'll be waiting by Lenny Kravitz now.

I'm thinking of someone now.

I miss her so much

and this song just hits the spot that hurts the most

and now its chasing cars

i wish i could find someone who'd chase cars with me. i want to know that feeling.

Nita gave me that feeling, that even if mummy or papa didnt want to see my face, she'd still accept me with open arms and she was like...an angel to me. she provided salvation to me when i needed it, she'd bring me to swensens when i felt like it, she would have been the one to have spent $248 for the coldplay concert WITH me, and i would feel so happy just to have her there.

but she wasnt there. she isnt here. and there is no stand in for her. partly coz nobody can ever fill her shoes. partly, nobody wants to. of all the things that hurt, it hurts the most to lose someone who could have been your best friend. i love her more than any of my friends. than mummy or papa or kris (my brother). because i know that of all people, she would understand me the most. she would give me the hug when i needed it and she would be the one that would say 'i love you bobo' if she could have read this post.

both pictures were when i was 3 or 4 in Hong Kong. She was either 19 or 20.

for my dad, though i may say that he doesnt deserve to be called my father that it doesnt hurt me as much. please try to notice that my voice cracks on more than one occasion. that is what i believed at first but after looking at old photos, i realised that my dad does indeed love me, and that he did look very hurt during the fight. i wish i could change it. but i dont know how. he doesnt listen to me, i dont look at him. last time, he was the first to cave. but this time i dont think he will. and that makes me sad coz i do indeed love my father. and i am sad for him. He lost one daughter, his son is dyslexic and has so many problems that accompany it and he has alienated and lost another daughter.

he doesnt deserve such cruelty, nobody does.

back at a time where i was around 3, in london. feeding pigeons.

how i long to be that little girl that everyone picks up, that everyone thinks is adorable, where i am free from rules and the idiocies of maturity (i.e. school, puberty, responsibilities)

where the only feelings are happy and sad,

simplicity at its best. I want simplicity, i yearn for it, i yearn for the feeling of freedom,

free from projects and all that bumfluff. oh and fitness/fatness too.

i may have said too much already.

but i know i wont blog here much anymore,

i'll most prob make a new blog. a fresh start for everything.

.

i didnt wanna change it.

clarity puts things into perspective.

you wont have to see anything behind my eyes in blurness.

revival?

i dont know what to say
really i dont
blogging has lost all its significance as it is
plus there are so many things that are going on
project, opp, red cross, tests, hw, DOCENTS
arghhhhhh docents
ughhh docents >:(
oh and now
i am addicted to the com
all because of a little thing called restaurant city.
i wanna play now but i cant.

oh and to 'molly' GO TO HELL .
i do NOT like impersonaters.
i HATE liars.

and because i tried to spam it out,
i have now been banned by my own tagboard.
oh the irony.

Dear blogger

it is my utmost disappointment to announce to you that my blogging days have come to an end.
or at least of lesser occurence.
i have moved on to a pretty black and ochre notebook which i had purchased on earth day.
and unlike you blogger, whats in there stays there and is not used against me for future blackmail.
and in the event of my death, i will not be deleted.
and i can say every little thing there, curse words and all.
sorry blogger but i have moved on.
you will only be used for the most urgent of blogging purposes.

thank you.
Piramol
~~~~~~~~~~

In this life

today was a thought provoked day
the chinese drama girls went for SYF so it felt a tad weird to not have lee rui there.
now that i reflect on it,
i did miss her, but i was distracted i guess
finally did something for patrick :)
decorated him with colourful ice cream sticks
incomplete but not empty :)

THANK YOU ELIZ , SARAH AND CHELSEA FOR HELPING OUT WITH PATRICK!

Let me show you what i'm made of
good intentions are never enough

We sleep underneath the same big sky at night.
I dream the same dream we can fly
You can run from me
You can hide form me
But I am right beside you
In this life.

I can reach up and bring you back down to the ground
And give you everything you dream about

this song,
In this life by Chantal Kreviazuk
i first heard and fell in love with it while watching season 2 of smallville
now i know the title! :D
makes me think of my brother alot
you say what you want
i'll say what i want
yet the only true and pure thing
cannot say anything
and thats my heart
its a faint whisper
drowned out by the means and cruelties of society and
life.
unfairness, obviously
tears yes
support
indefinitely



oh so during the lang arts lecture,
recovered my love for literature and writing
i put myself into Wilfred Owen's shoes
and imagined myself writing it
in between having the people around you and the place slowly deterioriate
and that poetry is derived from inner turmoil
then it got me thinking
my turmoil, most of it, stemmed from Nita's death
it was something like an artistic epiphany
i started writing, like really writing soon after or shortly before
its sad she cant read my works
maybe she can but i wouldnt know her reaction
but at least it was read.

oh joy guess what?
my average is lower now.
my history, damn that x/15 test >:(
it pulled my marks down so now i have 4A1s and a really ugly A2
blehhhhhhhh
which brings my present average down to
80.1
:((((((((((
i know i sound like such an ingrate but im not satisfied with it
not at all
maybe for some subjects but generally im disappointed.

sigh.
maybe i should start recording this in a journal.
i better get a journal first.

i discussed with my mom, i told her i wanted to see the world before the next major natural disaster occurs (it was meant to be a joke but i guess there was too much to support it)
i shall make a list of where i wanna go:

europe:
Dublin, Ireland -->where U2 was born! :D i'd like to see it anyway
Berlin, Germany
Athens, Greece --> im a greek mythology fan :)))) and greek culture is intrigueing
Rome, Italy --> my parents had their honeymoon there. maybe it can rekindle old flames.

asia:
beijing/hangzhou, china --> dont ask why
tokyo, japan
seoul, korea
maldives
india?

america:
NYC
L.A.
any disneyland :))))

and of course
aussie, south africa and cairo(egypt) !

its a long list
but the ones in bold are the most wanted ones
i miss disneyland
i went to disneyland paris in '02
but it wasnt that...complete
i guess i was just too young to fully appreciate it
thats the thing about youth
your so sheltered
you cant even see whats right in front of you
and it frustrates me
how naive and unknowledgeable some are
not by choice but by obligation
their parents only played half the role
the other half is they consent to the sheltering
they dont bother to look for things on their own.
and because of that,
i will never subject my child(if i have any)
to this cruelt which is sadly the norm of today.
such a pity isnt it?

ending off with this album artwork from coldplay

God, i am so in love with the painter's style

its similar to lee rui's!

totally love it.

:)

high

im feeling so giddy now
its not as bad as just now but the last time i had sth like this
i pulled myself to the side of my bed and puked on the floor
at 2 in the morning ._.
so i feel like i have a fever now
and my energy levels just plummeted
geez

but i have good news!
well for me >.<
i got my geog CA1 marks
its 85.9 which is pretty good to me ^^
but i dunno whether its good on a level basis
which brings my average to 80.7 but im confused with history
i calculated it as 75.6 but i dunno whether its 75.8 or not if it is 75.8 then my average is 80.8, which is a tremendous improvement from last year CA1. i got 70.8 for last year :/
coz i think its 75.8 but not sure
eprogress doesnt help AT ALL
the marks are wrong, the banding is wrong, and incomplete too!
bahh
i cant take it!
my brother is shouting
and he's sitting right next to me!
apparently my splitting headache means nothing to him
oh JOY!!!
I AM HAPPY ONCE AGAIN
and feeling a tad better :)
i found the long lost coldplay concert vids on youtube :DDDDDDD
BUT GOD DAMN IT
I HATE VIXY.NET
SOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYYIINNNGGGGGG!
i try and try and try again to download videos
in every format
for vista,mac,ipod/psp, audio
THEY DONT FREAKING WORK
i have the video
BUT
THERE ISNT ANY FREAKING SOUND
T.T
bah
ah well
goodbye
shall post next time

there are too few words in the english dictionary

but then again maybe its a good thing
then feelings like how happy i was today would be undefined
and would be free from labels and restrictions
:)
listening to Oasis's wonderwall
it really does sound like boulevard of broken dreams by Green Day
but then again
from what i've heard, Oasis is much better
hmmm maybe i should have gone
nahhhhhhhhh
i'm too new for that.
the band is pretty good in terms of the music
but the lead singer has a rather...not rough, a little nasal-ey voice
but pretty good :)
oh right
today i was over the moon quite a few times

i think the first was during lang arts
we were given back our CA1 grade
and i am mighhttyyyyyyyyy happy :DDDDDDD
but before that,
warning: i may appear boastful and totally ignorant of your feelings so I'm very sorry

i got 77.3 :D
i am very happy about that
coz last year i got like 56?
but christine did get higher than me
so CONGRATS CHRISTINE
but i didnt see clearly so i dunno whether its 77.8 or 77.3 but im pretty sure its 77.3
but already i know that pei yi has waged a vendetta against me :o
haha
i used a new word :DD
the second time was during another lesson
i think it was math
then claire was handing back the geog papers
i am VERY happy because
i got the mark that i longed after!!!!
so i got an A1 for that!
despite 5 hours of sleep! :DDDDDDDDDDDD
coz it was on the day after the coldplay concert
so i didnt get a chance to study for 5 hours, 7pm onwards
so from 26/35 its 27/35 :DDDDD
74.3% to 77.1% :DDDDDDDDDD
and on top of that
i got 10/10 for geog file!
HAHAHAH
sorry but i think laughter is the best way to express gleeeeeeeeeeeeee
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
coz
a) HAHAHA doesnt actually have a meaning
b) laughing is a step up from smiling
c) :DDDDDDDDD
HAHAHA
:D
haha
and now i shall go bathe and continue reading to kill a mockingbird :)))))))))))))))))))